She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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