i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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