I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
home. puking in laundry basket.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
