"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
