he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I want her autograph on my taint
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
