If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
