the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
