I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
