She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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