I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Rumble strips road head = magical
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
