It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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