You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
What a dumb baby whore.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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