he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
