Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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