My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
