Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
