I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
