Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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