How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize