Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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