Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
