VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
