best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
