If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
