Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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