So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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