Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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