New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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