he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
