on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
