Im at strip club and am horny
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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