i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
