After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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