i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
