I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
