I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
