it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
is wine microwaveable?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
