I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
