He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just found puke in my bra..
Did I show you my penis last night?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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