maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
