4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
