Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
