I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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