i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
