I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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