sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My cat gives me a boner
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
