fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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