why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
