Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Randomize
