I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
