dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
