i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize