At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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