My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
