After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If I had your ass I would rule the world
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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