Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
