So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we're making bets on your personal life
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
