Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
