I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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