I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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