I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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