I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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