Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
