loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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