I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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