we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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