I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
