I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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