i just wanna soil my oats bro
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
