Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
