Pants 0. Shit 1.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
