Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
