I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
